RELATIONSHIP THERAPY
So many people struggle in relationships.
What was once a feeling of deep connection to your partner can unravel over time and the with stress of life. People often get into “infinity loops” of offense/defense communications and end up feeling hurt and disconnected.
Partners often come to therapy believing that one is right and the other is wrong.
But it’s never that simple. Relationships are like a dance where the moves of one person affect the moves of the other and so on. Relationship therapy supports each persons awareness of how they contribute to complex interactions and helps them learns ways to shift their own moves - which changes the dynamic.
Communication in relationships is mostly about listening.
It’s hard for all of us to listen when we are upset. In therapy, each person will learn to calm their nervous system so that they can both hear and be heard, which is bonding.
The Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Approach
I have been trained in several systems approaches to relationship therapy. One of the most effective and efficient models is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).
From the EFT perspective, adult love is a hardwired, adaptive attachment response. My in-session focus is on the processing of emotions and key interactional patterns as they occur in the present — because in-the-moment emotional experiences and compassion for each others feelings — are the pathways to relationship change.
There are three stages of change in EFT:
First, we will work together to de-escalate conflict and stabilize your relationship. We will focus on your communication patterns and build your skills so that you each feel truly heard and valued.
Second, we will restructure your attachment bond. Attachment is complex and influenced by early life experiences as well as trust injuries that may occur along the journey of life.
Third, we will integrate what you have learned and consolidate your attachment bond.
EFT is based on 35 years of scientific evidence regarding couple distress and adult love. Research studies on outcome for EFT find that 70 to 75% of couples move from distress to relationship recovery. And 90% of couples show significant improvement with EFT, in contrast to 35% with most other couples therapies.
I am also trained in Gottman techniques and use these as an adjunct to EFT in my work with couples.
